Black Monster

Rob was evidently embarrassed about having passed out, it had ended up in a huge feasco with ambulances and hospitals. He felt numb, he felt icy cold, he needed to find her and he was ignoring the obvious. He couldn’t face that no not yet not ever. Christine was a pain sometimes, when she got started he felt like throttling her but it was because she was sick and he’ realised that before she did. It had been an uphill struggle, she was so shy it was always amazing how she transformed on stage but she did. It was such a shame she’d mucked up the perfromance in the Royal Albert but she was right even he found the cieling mushrooms off putting.

He was home now, Megan and Edwin had headed off at about three. He couldn’t blame them it wasn’t really their problem, not at all. Edwin, he realised was in love with Christine, he didn’t even feel any rage about that and he should, he normally would, he’d suspected, the way the guy always gave them a discount, the way he went out of his way to provide Christine with her pints of froth.

He lay in a half stupor, the Dr had given him a tranquilizer stating that he was over wrought, it was a statement that he associated with Christine. He’d promised Megan that they would all meet for something that evening and then maybe go looking for Christine again, none of them were sure why they were doing it, there was nothing they could achieve but he couldn’t sit there waiting, couldn’t be that helpless, she was out there was would be scared, she would be out of her mind with fear, she was his girlfriend he had to find her. His cheeks we tickling, he absent mindedly went to scratch them and then and was horrified to find his fingers wet with tears.

His nose was running too, he scrubbed at it with his hands and almost swollowed his heart when he thought of how Christine would have responded too it. And then he was sobbing, great big rasping sobs that felts like they were being draged from his chest by sledge hammer blows. His face muscles hurt from the way they contorted, he holwed with sorry. She must be still alive!

He has to believe that but he knew it was delusion why had he said no really why had he he knew how senstive she was over the whole ocd thing, it had been stupid and if he hadn’t mentioned it, if he’d just hugged, if he hadn’t taken her to the Union then she would still be here! It was his god damn fault! All his fualt and what the hell was likfe without her? Really she grounded him as much as he helped her, he couldn’t take the thought of a future with out her, he was cuddling a cushion like a little child, he’d regressed to this sniverling lump whilst she was out there scare and hurt or worse and he had to rescue her, what else could he do but he had no where to start, no point of contact to begin from. She was lost in Londons warren of streets and canals and byways, she was lost and he was on his own and he needed her, needed her sorely needed more than he had ever realiseds and she was gone. He was bitting the fucking thing now as if that gritting of the teeth could ease the pain. What the hell was he to do?

He lay exorsted, his throught was raw and bruised feeling, his just made pathetic little sqeeking noises. Where was she? He lay in a stupor once more a tear shaped pod covered him from reality, he internalised and sank into the depths of surreal dispair. Ghosts of her tuanghted him, he had to rescue her, he always protected her, always helped her, where was she? If only she’d teknen her phone with her then she would have been find able as it would have registered on various things four squares and that type of thing, why had it been left behind, why?

She had her PDA but that was no good unless it was switched on, unless she opened it at thte mimimium and what abusor would allow that? He had no tears leaft his tear ducts were barren and sore and they felt too large like the water tunnel to his insides were made of straw, jabbing and pricking him. He had to find her. It was essential, hew as nothing without her. Obsolutely nothing. he rolled over and groaned horsely.

His phone bleeped, he tred to ignore it but a worm of guilt told him it could be her, from a pay phone or a helpful stranger or the cops delivering the predictable news he could not face. He sigh and rubbed his face on the pillow and then looked at the accursed phone. It was Megan saying they would be there at five to retrieve him. He sat up slowely, blood seemed to fill his head and make it seem to big. He pushed him self up and saw little white stars, over wrought the Dr had said, Rob laughed at that and laughed and laughed and laughed and hysteria hit him like a wave, a sickening crushing wave.

He doubled over and it turned into convulsions, he chucked his guts up. The thought of Christine made him clean it up, he shook whilst doing so and then sighing he went for a shower. The water would not wash away the guilt and the pain and the longing. He dressed still moist. The clean cloths seemed to scratch at him. He put the kettle on to sooth himself, the bell went and he buzzed the others in, he hadn’t been going to, he’d wanted to just curl up but he did need to look for her. He squared his jaw and popped two more mugs on the side – if they were going out looking they were going fortified, he eyed the whisky but decided against it.

Posted: Monday, November 26th, 2012 @ 10:14 am
Categories: Uncategorized.
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